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Joining such infamous terms as 24/7 and Y2K, work/life balance is the buzzword
of the moment. We hear about it all the time…live/work/family/friend/health…
That’s a whole lot of balancing. It is a Cirque de Soliel of balancing,
and like the Cirque, it is supposed to look effortless.
Why is balance so important? It’s our human desire to try to make things
even, fair and neat. In that vein, work/life balance purports to be about people
having control over when, where and how they work. In itself, there’s nothing
wrong with seeking balance.
Even special interest groups are invested in our perfecting our balancing act.
For example, the Work to Live Campaign is interested in our gymnastic development.
The group, with its TV commercials about the health benefits of vacations, is
involved in amending the national labor laws so that work practices allow us
to live our various non-work related roles. Certainly, we can’t fulfill
our other duties and responsibilities with a sixty hour work week and a one-week
vacation a year.
While amending labor laws and increasing vacation time may be a start in your
efforts to become a circus performer, it is only the beginning. But, stop a
moment; do you really want to begin this balancing act? If its pursuit is adding
additional guilt to your already overloaded self-reproach reservoir and taking
the joy out of your life, the pursuit needs examination.
The reality of focusing on the importance of life/work balance may produce
unanticipated results among those who are already overburdened by time constraints.
For example, such focus may create significant angst in mothers who are also
professionals. These women may feel unnecessary culpability when they take essential
“personal” time away from their families and professions. They frequently
attend to their children’s need and then ignore their own desires. Taking
a couple of hours out of their week to have lunch and shop with a friend becomes
a feat akin to doing back handsprings.
It seems fairly evident that balance is important in a well-lived life. Such
balance is an intensely personal state in which work is only one aspect. The
“life” part, consisting of family, leisure, spiritual factors, and
laundry, plays an important part of the whole, but how does this concept pertain
to professional mothers?
After all, these women turned the noun, “parent,” into the active
verb, “parenting.” While parenting, they attempt to give “quality
time” to everyone but themselves. Now, we are not suggesting that all mothers
become self-absorbed narcissists, but we do wonder if their kids, with their
every need and want anticipated, are on that road.
Think about it. Maybe it is the children who need balance. By that, we mean
that kids who live lives that are hermetically sealed (free of all disappointment,
unfairness, inconvenience and disruption) are ill prepared for “real life.”
Real life is never balanced. Some times are chaotic, some are relatively calm.
If you are reading this thinking “my life is never calm,” we are talking
to you. Remember Holly Hunter in Broadcast News? Her character was a network
news producer who lived life as though she were shot out of a cannon. However,
she scheduled five minutes every day to weep uncontrollably. Though this approach
is not recommended by mental health professionals, it may be a better plan than
that some of you follow!
Okay, so what do we do? Jettison the idea of balance and follow our simple
ten rules. Okay, they are not all that simple, but they may help.
Rule one: See scheduling as your friend. Schedule at least one hour a week
for purely frivolous endeavors. This time can be used for activities ranging
from staring at the ocean to purchasing stilettos (no weeping allowed). Note
— one hour is the bare minimum for this happening.
Rule two: If you are married with kids, you must, must have a “date night.”
Children are like gas; their needs and demands expand to fill any available
container. Contrary to popular psychology, children do flourish without constant
attention.
Rule three: If you are single, with kids, Rule two applies but double it. If
you have no significant other, “date night” can be a time to treat
yourself well, to be with friends, whatever.
Rule four: You may ask “what about childcare?” We know, for some,
paying babysitters for one or two nights every week is a financial impossibility.
For others, cash isn’t the issue. But for both groups time away from children
is a necessity that requires advanced planning. Find competent babysitters or
make friends with other moms in your situation who are willing take turns with
the kids.
Rule five: Delegate. Whenever you can, outsource meal preparation, laundry and
heavy cleaning. Remember your family: kids should be assigned age-appropriate
household tasks. Unfortunately, we have no suggestions as to what tasks are
age-appropriate for husbands.
Rule six: Let go of whatever you truly wouldn’t care about if you weren’t
playing to that imaginary judge’s table in your head.
Rule seven: Again, LET IT GO.
Rule eight: Instead of doing laundry, buy more clothes. We are just checking
to see if you’re paying attention!
Rule nine: Create a simple, soothing atmosphere at home and at work. Get rid
of clutter, listen to calming music and learn to relax whenever you have a free
moment.
Rule 10: Instead of reading/watching things that make you feel inadequate, read
Real Simple magazine.
Please do not see these rules as more rigid “shoulds” in your world.
Choose what works for you and jettison the rest. But before you ditch our suggestions,
realize that while life is much like a Cirque de Soliel of balancing, it can
be a blast. Get rid of the guilt and allow joy to seep in! Don’t just get
by… enjoy the circus.