Consider the following scenarios.
You are a manager in a successful company. You need to get a last minute assignment from your boss, and you ask your assistant to stay late to help you. She already has plans for the evening. You tell her that it is her job to help you so she cancels her plans. While the two of you are working, you continually remind her of the urgency of the project and of the details that must be taken care of. And you mention that the last time a similar project was done, she made mistakes. After the project is complete, you send her home with a quick “thanks” and say nothing more about her working late. A few weeks later she tells you she got an offer from another company and is leaving in two weeks.
You need your assistant to stay late you help you, but she already has plans. You tell her what a good worker she is and say that you don’t know how you will get the project done without her. You ask her about her plans, and she tells you she is going to see her sick mother. You ask about her mother, and relate a story about how bad you felt when you were sick recently and say that her mother is very lucky to have her. You assistant says she will call her mother and tell her she will be a little late. While the two of you are working, you praise your assistant’s dedication and thank her profusely for helping.
When she leaves, you smile graciously and say you couldn’t have done it without her. Then you prepare a handwritten thank-you note and leave it on her desk; the next day you take her out to lunch. The following week, when the district manager is in the office, your assistant tells him how wonderful you are to work with; he then compliments you on running the office well and gives you a raise.
It’s Saturday and you want your husband to go to a movie with you, but he says he has plans with his buddies. You begin to whine and complain about how he never spends any time with you. The two of you argue, and he leaves to spend the afternoon with his friends.
When you suggest going to a movie on Saturday, your husband says he has plans to go fishing with his buddies. You tell him how much you will miss him and that the movie just won’t be the same without him to laugh with. Then you ask him about his fishing trip, listening attentively when he tells you the details about putting the worms on the hook and telling him how great a fisherman he is. You say you will go to the movies by yourself and hope that he has fun. You get dressed, putting on a sexy top and making sure your hair is perfectly styled and your perfume is in just the right places. Before you walk out the door, you kiss him and tell him you will see him later. He then follows you to the door and says he is kind of tired of listening to Bubba’s same old jokes and the movie does sound like fun.
What Southern Women Know about Flirting by Ronda Rich is about how being nice or “flirting” can make life more pleasant for everyone. As the title of the book indicates, Rich uses her southern heritage as a basis to show how people respond to thoughtfulness, kindness and friendliness. Though her examples often come from Southern traditions, her message is relevant to everyone.
Rich explains, “Flirting is simply the art of being real nice which, in turn, makes others feel good about themselves and about you.” She says, “We [Southern women] make no apology for the potency of our charming, darling ways, for we long ago discovered that we could practice the ancient arts of femininity while proclaiming a strong-willed independence.”
To be an accomplished flirt, you must possess self confidence. An outer appearance directly influences how you feel about your inner self. Rich stresses the importance of enhancing one’s feminine attributes. Clothes, hair, and makeup should show that you care about yourself. Rich also advises, “Stay away from others who chip away at your self-confidence.” And look for the positive in others, as well, refraining from giving negative comments, even if you are “just kidding.” Also important in flirting are humor, genuine interest, goodwill, knowledge and, very importantly, gifts. Sending a written note of thanks is an invaluable gesture in today’s world of email, and giving a present (flowers, a gift certificate, or a specially chosen item) will make another feel good about herself, and thus make her feel good towards you.
Rich defines three types of flirting: social, courtship and seductive. Social flirting is appropriate in any situation. Among Rich’s various examples of successful social flirting is her story about getting a seat on a fully booked flight. By “flirting” with the ticket agent and then the pilot, whom she happened to meet in the waiting room, she was allowed to move ahead of the other passengers on the waiting list. Another success occurred when she was checking into a hotel. She complimented the desk clerk on her lovely hair; the women was flattered and responded in a friendly manner. Then Rich asked if it were possible to get an upgrade on her room—to a river view. The women didn’t say anything else, but when Rich went to her room, she found not only an upgrade to a river view, but also a master suite. She immediately called the woman downstairs and gushed her thanks, and when she checked out, she filled out a compliment card, praising the employee. So both people prospered from a little social flirting.
Courtship flirting, according to Rich, “is the demure, feminine science of sweetly attracting a man until he falls madly and inescapably in love,” and seductive flirting is what keeps the relationship alive. If your husband wants a peanut butter sandwich, Rich says, you should get up off of the couch and get him one. On the other hand, she also stresses that he should dote on you as well. “If a man is taking you for granted or bruising your esteem, put on your highest heels and click away as fast as possible,” she says. “I prefer being alone than being neglected.”
Rich’s many references to the South will delight readers, especially the southern ones. Flirting, says Rich, “spreads a feeling of goodwill and good humor as steadily as kudzu spreads on a warm summer’s day.” Rich tells how southern traditions play a great role in courtship and seductive flirting. For example, cooking is very important, as “men feel nurtured by women who cook for them.” “Rule the roost, but pamper the rooster,” Rich states, and she describes a needy woman as “a chigger burrowing into a man’s flesh. It will bite the heck outta you and just keep biting until it dies.”
The author concludes her discussion by listing the top rules for flirting, must haves for a modern flirting girl, top places to meet guys, secret weapons and flirting girl don’ts.
Rich’s says, “People become too serious-minded about life and forget to have fun while accomplishing goals and winning hearts.” What Southern Women Know about Flirting contains practical ideas to make life more fun.
You can find Rich on the web at www.southerrnallure.com.